How-To-Make: Sambalised Durian

Salam :) 

In other words, how to make Sambal Tempoyak :D

I've always loved spicy food, literally since kecik-kecik dulu. And lately I can't quite figure out why my tongue has problems when it comes to eating pedas dishes. I just can't taste them. 

There are no tastebuds for pedas, are there? Hmm.

Anyway, the steps are veghy ze veghy eezy, yeuw vill have non pghoblemz. Unless, you're an ultra-kitchen noob, that is. But that's okay. If you love Malaysian food as much as I do, you'll be able to do these next easy-peasy steps!

Ingredients:

Bawang putih, garlic

Bawang merah, red onions

Ikan bilis, anchovies

Cili (sp. optional), chillies

Tempoyak

Minyak masak, cooking oil

Now, shall vi starght? 

Step #1: 

• Take out the first four ingredients in the list above from your storing aid.

Step #2:

• Silalah kupas bawang-bawang anda sehingga togel (bukan bogel). Peel both garlic & red onions. Berapa banyak: I can't say. Because it depends on how much you plan to make! 
• I just went with 3/4 of a red onion, and half selabu bawang putih.

Step #3:

• Put on your cycling sunglasses and take a handkerchief.
• Ikatkan sapu tangan ke hidung.

Step #4:

• Masukkan cili (cili merah ke hijau ke, hidup ke, mati ke berapi ke, up to you), bawang putih, bawang merah serta ikan bilis ke dalam mangkuk yang diperbuat daripada batu. Chillies, garlic, red onions & anchovies inside the stone-bowl. I am proud of my english-malay translation abilities. Eh.
• Tumbuk dengan lesung yang juga diperbuat daripada batu (optional: sehingga lunyai). Punch the ingredients together.

Step #5:

• Leave your hasil tumbukan for a sec, and keluarkan se-kuali frying pan. Take out your frying pan please.
• Drop in merely 3 spoons of cooking oil, panaskan. Heat ze oil.

Step #6:

• Masukkan hasil tumbukan anda sebentar tadi ke dalam kuali yang berisi minyak serta telah dipanaskan!

• "Disturb" the ingredients sehingga bau naik. (I'm sorry I don't know how to explain this step any further)
• Kacau sampai kering (: 

Step #7:

 These are mom-made-Tempoyak, you know :P

• Once ze smell is up, campakkan tempoyak ke dalam kuali. Like in ze peekcherz above -_-
• Silalah gaul sehingga rata. 

Tips! Dalam proses menggaul, if the tempoyak and sambal bergumpal-gumpal, it means you've officially made it *smug face* 

Step #8:

• Keluarkan your now-done SAMBAL TEMPOYAK! Congratulations, for making it this far. Huh. *claps*

So, that's basically it! Senang, kan? Apologies because I wasn't able to take more photos of the cooking process to make it easier for you peepowlz because it was just that spontaneous :/

Anyway, selamat berselera!